health news from the onion

[jimmylegs]

We Have All The Time In The World To Find A Cure For Diabetes
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33482

The Stem-Cell Bill
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38239

6,000 Runners Fail To Discover Cure For Breast Cancer
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28024

...feeling numb?
New Pain-Inducing Advil Created For People Who Just Want To Feel Something, Anything
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/ne ... il_created

...and for when you're just looking for the way out:
Vehicular Manslaughter Doctor' Assists In 23rd Doctor-Assisted Vehicular Manslaughter
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29735